You. Are. Safe.
As a young woman in my 20’s and 30’s, I felt very unsafe in life. When I say unsafe, I mean an emotional and universal lack of safety. I spent years and years teetering on the edge of losing it all, getting found out, feeling like everyone else in the world was slaying the game and I was constantly struggling to keep up, comparing, worried about making one wrong decision that would set off a domino effect of a lifetime of failure….
I started this blog and podcast to be the Sunshine that I needed over those years. No one was there to to clear away the lies and share the truth with me. No one was there because I never asked. I never waived a white flag or told anyone that I felt unsafe and scared every moment of every day. I seemed so confident, smart and positive that it never occurred to anyone to step in and help me. So I’m here to help you. I know someone, somewhere is reading this right now and your friends think you have it all figured out. They’re the ones who come to you for advice. Little do they know, you’re also teetering on the brink, comparing, holding your breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop every. single. day.
If this sounds familiar, I’m here today to tell you the truth. The truth is, I always was safe. I am safe today. And you are too. It’s only because of the gift of time and experience that I know this. I’m going to share some actual examples of the stories I told myself and the truths that I discovered, so you know you’re not alone.
When I was in my 20’s, I was really unhappy at my job and didn't want to live in Jacksonville, Florida anymore. I wanted to quit my job and move to a bigger city. I randomly chose cities like Atlanta, Boston, Chicago and Austin. But I felt so unsafe. I worried that if I searched for jobs, my boss would find out and I would pay the price for being disloyal. I worried that if I moved to a new city, I would struggle to make friends and survive financially. I didn’t feel like the Universe had my back. What I now know: I would have been just fine. There were a million better-paying and more fitting jobs for me out there. I would have not only survived, but thrived in another city. If I could go back in time, I would tell that girl to quit her job and move. I would tell her that she was safe. What I want you to know: if there is a truth sitting on your soul, a thing you know you need to do in your life, then you have to do it. You will be okay. You are safe. You won’t be a failure. You won't be homeless. You won't be broke. You won't be alone.
When I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I felt unsafe in my relationships. I’ve been in love 5 times. Like rip your heart out, give it all you’ve got, love. One of my first loves really did a number on me. He was a handsome, funny, pediatrician and we met at a book store. It was straight out of a rom com and I was sure he’d be my husband. I mean, you guys, I would make an amazing doctor’s wife. When he broke up with me - on voicemail while I was in the South of France for the summer - I couldn’t breathe. I remember looking at the white and black tile floor of the train station, listening to the voicemail message, thinking “I’ll never love anyone more than they love me ever again.” And for more than a decade, I didn’t. I was always a half-step behind any man I dated. I still loved. But I loved just a little less. Because I felt so unsafe. What I now know: love can feel unsafe, but that’s a really cheap reason to hold back from loving someone. If I had loved the next few men fully, I would have been safe and those partnerships and they would have been even better. Holding back didn’t keep me safe. It kept me one-foot-out-the-door and robbed me of truly loving with my whole heart. What I want you to know: relationships are a risk. Loving is a risk. But something being risky is different than it being unsafe. Risk means you don’t know the outcome. Risk means taking a chance. But the payoff is so worth it.
In my 20’s and 30’s I assumed everyone I knew was making more than me, living more abundant lives than me, had more certainty about their future than me and didn’t lay awake at night worried that one misstep could derail their future. I had this constant thread of anxiety and fear running through me. I worried that I would be “found out” (still no idea where that came from or what exactly people would find out), that I would make one small decision that would get me fired and I’d be homeless and broke. I worried that everyone else was getting on some “success train” and I was running into the station 5 minutes late. I felt like my life was a house of cards, ready to collapse at any moment. I compared myself to the made up stories of other people’s lives. What I now know: no one has it all figured out. Everyone is taking life one day at a time, making the best decisions they can, sometimes wondering if they missed out on something and sometimes taking a risk and trying something new. What I want you to know: Everyone is NOT slaying the game around you while you’re struggling and trying. They probably look up to you and you don’t even know it. They think YOU have it all figured out. You’re in good company. Success in any area of life isn’t a set thing. It’s fluid and has a million definitions. So run your own race. Find your own peace and happiness. That’s success.
I’ll leave you with this. You are safe. The Universe is conspiring daily on your behalf. You would have to TRY to fail. You would have to make a lot of really bad, intentional life choices for things to not work out. If we know anything, we know that tomorrow isn’t promised. Why not come from a place of confidence, bold intention and authenticity. You truly have nothing to lose.