Maybe You're Wrong
So as I may have mentioned in a past post, this is the year of Love and Relationships (and Health and Fitness, and The Novel). As part of my dedication to this, I’m taking risks and getting uncomfortable in love. I’m trying new things, allowing myself to be inconvenienced (something I realllllly try to avoid), letting go of what others think, and releasing preconceived ideas about what love looks like in my life and who my person is.
As part of this intention, I recently reconnected with one of my exes. We broke up seven years ago and we’ve been very lightly in touch for a few years. Nothing too wild - just casual friendly texting. And last month we finally had the “why are we still in touch after all of these years?” talk. I prompted the talk because of my 2019 intention around love and taking risks. Gulp.
Fast forward several weeks, and we decided to meet for a weekend away from either of our hometowns (we live 3,000 miles apart) and just talk. We instinctively knew we needed more time together than just a drink at a bar. It had been years at this point since our breakup and we both had grown and changed in our own ways. Maybe we would be a fit today. Maybe we wouldn’t. We just wanted time to be together in a spirit of curiosity, grace and openness. So that’s what we did. Worst case, we closed some old chapters and had answers. Best case…a lifetime of love.
The weekend just happened, so I can’t tell you how this story ends.
But I do want to share something that happened during the weekend with you. You know I’m always looking for the lessons. The things beyond the “things” that teach us how to live, love and communicate. Here’s what happened:
When we broke up all those years ago, we had “the breakup talk” and we both stated why we wanted the relationship to end. I don’t remember every word - it was so long ago and I was blacking out with sadness and shock - but there was one comment during our talk that never left my mind. He said he resented the amount of work and stress our puppy had created. We had gotten a puppy just a few months before the breakup.
Who breaks up over a puppy?? Besides, I had done 100% of the work taking care of her and raising her for those first few months that we had her. That wasn’t the reason for the breakup, of course, just one of many reasons. So I moved on with my life but when the breakup would come up - as it inevitably would when talking with friends or new boyfriends - I would mention the puppy comment. I spent seven years nursing that emotional cut. As soon as it would heal, I’d go ahead and open it again. Whenever I thought about the breakup, I’d immediately default to that statement about the puppy. That wound of a statement.
Fast forward to today. We’re away for the weekend, talking about a multitude of things - past and present - and he brings up the puppy. He reminds me that right when we got the puppy, I unexpectedly had to go out of town for work and family reasons for WEEKS. I got a puppy then left him alone with her for weeks.
Here’s what’s crazy. I didn’t remember that. At all. Zero memory of leaving him with a brand new puppy for weeks. And I like to think of myself as a very smart, detail oriented person who remembers things. How had I completely forgotten this happened? Who knows, but I did.
You guys, I had spent SEVEN YEARS carrying around this little thorn in my heart about a comment that actually had some truth to it. I want to be clear, this isn’t about a breakup talk and a comment about a puppy. It’s about the fact that I was certain that I remembered everything perfectly and that I had single-handedly, 100% cared for her every moment since we got her. And I was wrong.
Has it ever occurred to you that you could be wrong? There could be something you’re upset about now, or an old wound you’ve let take up residency in your soul for hours, days, weeks, months or even years. And maybe, just maybe, you’re wrong. Maybe your memory isn’t perfect or maybe you don’t know the whole story.
It’s not easy to admit you’re wrong, but it feels so good to let old wounds heal up and reclaim a little piece of your soul.